| Question ID 1622 - Major Sins - 2014-07-07 09:30:01 |
| I have a question that needs a little bit of explanation and will take a little time of yours. Please do read and give me an advice for my guidance.
I can take an oath on Holy Quran for the truthfulness of info that I am giving you. I live in Canada since 2009. I got married in 2003 in Pakistan. My mother in law hated me since beginning because we were not rich. After my marriage my mother in law told my wife not to live with me. My wife had a job in the city where her mother lived and I was in other city for my job. So she told her daughter that “you have a job here, you must not leave your job”. And that’s how my wife spent around 6 months away from my home. Someone told them that you cannot do this. They contacted a religious cleric and he told her mother that you have no authority to do this, send her to her husband as soon as possible.
My wife came to my house and after sometime, my mother in law packed her bags and came to the city where I was living. She started living with us. I moved to several cities because of job and she stayed with us. She spent 3 years with us (in between she went back and forth to her home city for a month or so and then came back).
My mother in law has a rich history of hatching conspiracies. Her own brothers and sisters have discords. Some has severed relationships (Qata- rahm) with each other. Because of this lady, my father in law has completely cut off his relationships with all his brothers and sisters. He has not seen his brothers or sisters for decades. I am sure he is not allowed to see anyone.
I moved to Canada in 2009, and in 2014 she packed her bags again and now she is here living with us.
Now some words of my financial position in this country. In 2012 I got a job in some other city of Canada where I had to live for 15 days and then use to come back home for 6 days. Was getting very good money. Every month gave my wife $$2000 to $2500 to fulfil the needs. My expenses rose. Bought a house on mortgage with 5% down payment, a good car and whatever you can think of. I told my wife that I have given this house to her as a gift. If we will sell this, she will get the money. If we put it on rent she will get the rent. I bought the car in her name. After a year of this job I realized because of my absence my 2 kids suffered a lot. They had started talking about church because my wife had put them in a church during summer vacations. She paid for this service. This happens when you have lot of money but low level of wisdom. I prayed to Allah to bring me back to my family. After one and a half year of my job, employer gave me a layoff. I was happy. I spent 3 months at home finding a job. Had some saving so I took care of mortgage, bills and other expenses. My wife, started buying grocery as a contribution to run the home. After 3 months all my saving was spent, but then Allah gave me a good job in the city. Money wise I was getting half as compared to my previous job. So my wife kept the groceries in her own hand to help in running the home. After all the expenses I am left with nothing. But I am happy that my kids are getting the attention and they are learning the basics of religion. I have taught my younger one Adhan, Salat and now he is learning urdu which will help him in learning how to read Quran. I am happy.
After looking at this scenario, my mother in law started filling the ears of my wife. All day long they talk in ears, they whisper in ears all day long. “HE does not give you monthly expenses, you must demand money from him, this is your right, you have to fight for it”. We had a fight few days ago. Two women started yelling in front of me and I started yelling in front of them. According to my mother in law, my kids are living in my house because of her. She can take the kids away with my wife any time. A month and a half ago I had put my car on sale, just to save a bit more money to give to my wife. The car has not yet sold. Day before yesterday, my wife arranged Aftaar in Imambargah, but they never offered any Aftaar to me because I did not pay for that Aftaar. I do not eat at home because my wife does not cook anything. I told her to cook and her mother started yelling that “you are making my daughter a slave, she is not your slave anymore. You buy your own food and make your own food”. All cooking is done by her mother now. Mother and daughter both are now digging the foundations of this home. Both are filling this home with fire. Mother in law has sowed the seed of hatred (as she has plenty of experience in this skill) in this house and wife is watering it daily. I do not want her to live in this house, she is not a widow or divorced. She must go back in her own home, to her husband where she belongs. But she is not willing to leave. I am afraid I will lose my temper and someone will get killed in this. I do not want to carry the burden of this sin whose reward is nothing but hellfire. Help me and guide me. You are like my father, advise me like a father. Nothing will be on your shoulder. I am responsible for everything. I do not care about this worldly life. Advise me to save my Aakhiraah.
Wassalam.
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Answer:- You need to get a respected wise person to mediate between you and your
wife. As you are in Canada, you may consult Dr Sayed Khalil Tabatabaei who
is Montreal or any other pious Alaim. If you are away from Montreal, you
may contact nearest Shia Masjid or Center. If you inform us about your city
or town, we might be able to suggest.
Wassalam
Mohammad al-Musawi
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