|Question ID 2574 - Divorce
|My husband and I have been married for 28 years. The marriage was forced upon me by my parents and I never liked him. He liked me though and has been very good to me and fulfilled all my needs and has brought up the children when he was financially sound. He is a professional and is almost retired now without any pension or income. We have 3 grown up and independent children. My husband is not keeping well having sugar and is HIV +. He is 20 years older than me and has grown old, has become irritable and is unable to perform salat or sawm or his conjugal duties and we sleep in separate rooms for the last 10 years. He is also financially dependent on his son for our maintenance. My two daughters are of marriageable age but we do not have anything to be able to marry them off respectably.
I am 40 and quite good looking and well maintained. I am being pursued by a 45 year old married man who is rich and handsome and has promised to marry me secretly and is willing to keep Rs. 10 lakhs each in fixed deposit in my daughters’ names for their marriage. He also wants to provide for our maintenance including that of my husband for life provided he divorces me in secret and outwardly we both remain in the same house as husband and wife and I marry him (the new man) and meet him in secret till our daughters are married off. I have discussed this issue honestly with my husband who is aware of my dislike for him and forced marriage from the day of our marriage.
Under the circumstances he is willing to go through the process without any problem but he also wants to keep this arrangement of our divorce and my new nikah a secret from everybody as it will create social and emotional problems for us as well as our children in both of our extended families and our children’s would be in laws.
Our problem is secrecy and arranging two just and Muslim witnesses for the valid divorce to take place. My husband has done his research and he has found out that Talaq-e-Mubarat (divorce by mutual consent) is irrevocable and occurs immediately after either the husband or wife makes an offer (Eejab) of divorce and the other party accepts the offer of divorce (qubool). My meher was paid by husband long time back and he doesn’t have any property of his own. I have a house property where we live together at present and my husband does not wish to have anything from it.
1) So the question is whether we can go for a Talaq-e-Mubarat, verbally exchanging the Arabic Seigha of Talaq 3 times and reduce the same in writing and sign the same without any witnesses from either side. Whether this is a valid Talaq in Shia fiqh. (Since the Shiah requirement of two witnesses one each from each side is probably to avoid divorce till the last minute and try for reconciliation or be witness to other financial arrangements like inheritance and children’s custody and welfare etc.).
In our case since these issues are nonexistent and both of us will be happy to get divorced from each other , I think the witnesses are not necessary, especially since we want it only for the pleasure of Allah and to make my new Nikah and conjugal relations with another man legal and valid in front of Allah and we want keep both the divorce and Nikah secret from the society for the economic and emotional well being of our grown up children.
2) In the Shi’ahs Nikah or Muta’ can be performed by just Eejab-o- qubool between a Woman and Man without any witnesses. So why can’t divorce be performed without the witnesses?
3) Therefore I would like to know whether the Talaq-e-Mubarat also will have to be performed in 3 different sittings to make it Talaq-e-Baayin? If so, what should the periodicity of these 3 SEPARATE pronouncements in the absence of witnesses?
3) From which date I should I count my Iddat, since Talaq-e-Mubarat is is considered Talaq-e-Baayin effective immediately after the eejab-o-qubool between a man and woman?
Please give a detailed point by point answer by email to me.
|Answer:- 1. No Talaq can be valid with out two pious (Aadil) witnesses. This is a
condition for every divorce in Islam. Witness on marriage is recommended
but on divorce is compulsory, with out which, divorce is invalid.
2. There is no question of three Talaqs in one time or within certain short
period. First valid Talaq with all it's conditions is the first, then if
they re unite and patch up as husband and wife, then want to break the
marriage again, then it will be second Talaq if it is done with all it's
If they patch up again after the second Talaq, then decide to go for
Talaq, then it will be third Talaq. After third valid Talaq, she can not
return to her husband before she marries another man, then gets
valid divorce from him and passes the Iddah ( waiting period).
3. Iddah starts immediately after the valid Talaq.
4. I am not sure that you plan to leave your husband after 28 years of
marriage is the right decision for you. It is clear that you want to leave
your husband to be with another man who is promising you financial support
for you and your daughters marriage, but will you consider the effect of
your breaking your family life for the sake of money, on your daughters'
future and dignity? As nothing will remain secret, it will be known to few
people at least, that you ( the mother) left your 28 married life for the
sake of another man who promised to pay more, then what impact that will
leave on your daughters ? Can their husbands trust them that they will not
do the same if they find more wealthy man than their husbands? This can be
a blot on your daughters' life and future,leave alone your own.
I write to you as a sister, that it is not in your favour nor in the favour
of your daughters to break your family life for reasons mentioned in your
email. Your husband might be helpless to say no, but I advise you not to do
that at all. You will be then blamed by your own daughters and their
children for the rest of your life and even after your life.
We are been taught in the teachings of Ahlul Bayt ( (AS) that we must avoid
any act which we can not do it in public . Your plan for secret divorce
from your husband ( which is impossible to be valid) and another secret
marriage with another man, will lead you to repentance when repentance will
I hope that you will keep your emotions towards that man aside and think
using your brains, and avoid such act which will make you land in loss for
you and your daughters. You may consult people whom you trust before taking
such dangerous step , my respected sister. May Allah ( SWT) enlighten our
hearts and keep us away from emotions which