| Question ID 5566 - Marriage - 2021-10-11 18:30:01 |
| Salam Aleikum Sayyed Mohammed,
I needed to talk to someone, so I thought I’d drop you an email for search of advice or words of encouragement.
I approached my mother a couple of weeks ago and asked her if she could arrange a meeting between myself and a potential candidate with the intention of marriage. She was slightly reluctant to do this because it goes against all social conventions, especially within the Arab community, for a woman to approach a man. In any case, my mother said that she didn’t mind, but wanted to enquire further about this man before going forward. She had a brief conversation with my sister-in-law (who also happens to be the cousin of this man) and it was conveyed to her that the mother of this man is “cruel” because she “speaks frankly without consideration of other peoples’ feelings”, and “does not have good relations with any of her daughters-in-law”. Furthermore, this man is a divorcee, and has a low education level. After hearing this, my mother said she would not approach this family on my behalf. She also expressed that it was improper for a woman to approach a man, that people would [negatively] talk about my family and myself, and I would be seen in a bad light among the community etc. She concluded the conversation with me by saying that I should wait, that someone [compatible] will come eventually and Allah Kareem.
I find this approach (way of thinking) unpragmatic, impractical and nonsensical. If I have learnt anything from the teachings of Ahlulbayt (as), it is that one must endeavour to seek out what they want (whilst also seeking proximity to Allah (swt)), rather than expect it to magically happen. I can accept praying for something and being patient, but it is unreasonable to pray and practice patience without working towards a goal. I feel hurt and sad that my mother put in effort to marry off my brothers, but when it comes to me (her daughter), this effort becomes depleted because society deems it improper for a woman to seek out a man for marriage. I can not even approach my mother in the future if I recognised any other potential male candidate. I must wait to be approached. But she right in one thing, Allah Kareem. Alhamdillah.
Wasalam |
| |
Answer:- *Wa Alaykum Assalam wr wb*
*You can call this number on WhatsApp +447956837596 to discuss your
question.*
On Sun, 10 Oct 2021 at 9:30 PM, Najeeba Reply-To: <
wabil1895232@wabil.com> wrote:
> Mr/Mrs Najeeba
> posted a new question on wabil website, the details are below...
> Category : Marriage
> Question : Salam Aleikum Sayyed Mohammed,
>
> I needed to talk to someone, so I thought I=E2=80=99d drop you an email f=
or search
> of advice or words of encouragement.
>
> I approached my mother a couple of weeks ago and asked her if she could
> arrange a meeting between myself and a potential candidate with the
> intention of marriage. She was slightly reluctant to do this because it
> goes against all social conventions, especially within the Arab community=
,
> for a woman to approach a man. In any case, my mother said that she didn=
=E2=80=99t
> mind, but wanted to enquire further about this man before going forward.
> She had a brief conversation with my sister-in-law (who also happens to b=
e
> the cousin of this man) and it was conveyed to her that the mother of thi=
s
> man is =E2=80=9Ccruel=E2=80=9D because she =E2=80=9Cspeaks frankly withou=
t consideration of other
> peoples=E2=80=99 feelings=E2=80=9D, and =E2=80=9Cdoes not have good relat=
ions with any of her
> daughters-in-law=E2=80=9D. Furthermore, this man is a divorcee, and has a=
low
> education level. After hearing this, my mother said she would not approac=
h
> this family on my behalf. She also expressed that it was improper for a
> woman to approach a man, that people would [negatively] talk about my
> family and myself, and I would be seen in a bad light among the community
> etc. She concluded the conversation with me by saying that I should wait,
> that someone [compatible] will come eventually and Allah Kareem.
>
> I find this approach (way of thinking) unpragmatic, impractical and
> nonsensical. If I have learnt anything from the teachings of Ahlulbayt
> (as), it is that one must endeavour to seek out what they want (whilst al=
so
> seeking proximity to Allah (swt)), rather than expect it to magically
> happen. I can accept praying for something and being patient, but it is
> unreasonable to pray and practice patience without working towards a goal=
.
> I feel hurt and sad that my mother put in effort to marry off my brothers=
,
> but when it comes to me (her daughter), this effort becomes depleted
> because society deems it improper for a woman to seek out a man for
> marriage. I can not even approach my mother in the future if I recognised
> any other potential male candidate. I must wait to be approached. But she
> right in one thing, Allah Kareem. Alhamdillah.
>
> Wasalam
>
>
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