The Prophet (SAWA) said, 'Allah has made generosity the greatest moral virtue

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Question ID  5566  -  Marriage -  2021-10-11 18:30:01
Salam Aleikum Sayyed Mohammed, I needed to talk to someone, so I thought I’d drop you an email for search of advice or words of encouragement. I approached my mother a couple of weeks ago and asked her if she could arrange a meeting between myself and a potential candidate with the intention of marriage. She was slightly reluctant to do this because it goes against all social conventions, especially within the Arab community, for a woman to approach a man. In any case, my mother said that she didn’t mind, but wanted to enquire further about this man before going forward. She had a brief conversation with my sister-in-law (who also happens to be the cousin of this man) and it was conveyed to her that the mother of this man is “cruel” because she “speaks frankly without consideration of other peoples’ feelings”, and “does not have good relations with any of her daughters-in-law”. Furthermore, this man is a divorcee, and has a low education level. After hearing this, my mother said she would not approach this family on my behalf. She also expressed that it was improper for a woman to approach a man, that people would [negatively] talk about my family and myself, and I would be seen in a bad light among the community etc. She concluded the conversation with me by saying that I should wait, that someone [compatible] will come eventually and Allah Kareem. I find this approach (way of thinking) unpragmatic, impractical and nonsensical. If I have learnt anything from the teachings of Ahlulbayt (as), it is that one must endeavour to seek out what they want (whilst also seeking proximity to Allah (swt)), rather than expect it to magically happen. I can accept praying for something and being patient, but it is unreasonable to pray and practice patience without working towards a goal. I feel hurt and sad that my mother put in effort to marry off my brothers, but when it comes to me (her daughter), this effort becomes depleted because society deems it improper for a woman to seek out a man for marriage. I can not even approach my mother in the future if I recognised any other potential male candidate. I must wait to be approached. But she right in one thing, Allah Kareem. Alhamdillah. Wasalam
 
Answer:-  *Wa Alaykum Assalam wr wb*
*You can call this number on WhatsApp +447956837596 to discuss your
question.*





On Sun, 10 Oct 2021 at 9:30 PM, Najeeba Reply-To: <
wabil1895232@wabil.com> wrote:

> Mr/Mrs Najeeba
> posted a new question on wabil website, the details are below...
> Category : Marriage
> Question : Salam Aleikum Sayyed Mohammed,
>
> I needed to talk to someone, so I thought I=E2=80=99d drop you an email f=
or search
> of advice or words of encouragement.
>
> I approached my mother a couple of weeks ago and asked her if she could
> arrange a meeting between myself and a potential candidate with the
> intention of marriage. She was slightly reluctant to do this because it
> goes against all social conventions, especially within the Arab community=
,
> for a woman to approach a man. In any case, my mother said that she didn=
=E2=80=99t
> mind, but wanted to enquire further about this man before going forward.
> She had a brief conversation with my sister-in-law (who also happens to b=
e
> the cousin of this man) and it was conveyed to her that the mother of thi=
s
> man is =E2=80=9Ccruel=E2=80=9D because she =E2=80=9Cspeaks frankly withou=
t consideration of other
> peoples=E2=80=99 feelings=E2=80=9D, and =E2=80=9Cdoes not have good relat=
ions with any of her
> daughters-in-law=E2=80=9D. Furthermore, this man is a divorcee, and has a=
low
> education level. After hearing this, my mother said she would not approac=
h
> this family on my behalf. She also expressed that it was improper for a
> woman to approach a man, that people would [negatively] talk about my
> family and myself, and I would be seen in a bad light among the community
> etc. She concluded the conversation with me by saying that I should wait,
> that someone [compatible] will come eventually and Allah Kareem.
>
> I find this approach (way of thinking) unpragmatic, impractical and
> nonsensical. If I have learnt anything from the teachings of Ahlulbayt
> (as), it is that one must endeavour to seek out what they want (whilst al=
so
> seeking proximity to Allah (swt)), rather than expect it to magically
> happen. I can accept praying for something and being patient, but it is
> unreasonable to pray and practice patience without working towards a goal=
.
> I feel hurt and sad that my mother put in effort to marry off my brothers=
,
> but when it comes to me (her daughter), this effort becomes depleted
> because society deems it improper for a woman to seek out a man for
> marriage. I can not even approach my mother in the future if I recognised
> any other potential male candidate. I must wait to be approached. But she
> right in one thing, Allah Kareem. Alhamdillah.
>
> Wasalam
>
>
 
Question ID  5550  -  Marriage -  2021-09-24 19:00:02
if the bride who is not aware of the significance of sighah or doesnt know anything about it and only thinks you just need to have a scholar with you at the time of marriage contract but not for anything important has their mother or their fiancé’s maternal grandfather choose a vakil for them is that okay? they didnt like the vakil that was chosen for them and opposed it at first but then didnt pay much attention to it later on and just went with it because they didnt really know what the vakil was for, will their nikkah be valid? I follow sistani
 
Answer:-  Nikah is valid.
Wassalam.





>
 
Question ID  5549  -  Marriage -  2021-09-24 19:00:02
Follow up to question ID: 5547 When the vakil first came to me on the woman’s side he asked me permission to begin the sighah in urdu and i just said yes because i was nervous and didnt know that he was asking me permission to begin the sighah rather I thought it was just to ask permission to begin or a question where I should say yes. Then when he asked if i consented to the marriage he said my mehr wrong and i was thinking about that therefore i didnt say anything or at least in the wedding video it cuts my answer like i dont know if i answered or not and what i answered then in the wedding video he appears to be asking me again and with the wrong mehr but I appear to say “I accept”. Again I do not know if I said “I accept” under fear or manipulation but after 8 months of being married and getting to know my husband I have fallen in love with my husband. Does any of this affect the validity of my marriage? Meaning does being forced or coerced at the time of the marriage contract but later on after a while after the wedding ceremony falling in love with him affect the validity of my marriage? Also I keep having doubts about the wedding video being edited as well in the sense that I don’t remember if I replied the first he asked or the second time or if I didn’t reply the first time or the second time. Basically he only asked my consent twice and out of the two times I replied once now I don’t know if that was the first time or the second time. I am having extreme doubts about this matter and would like to know if my marriage is invalid in any way and how to counter these doubts as I don’t want to ruin my marriage.
 
Answer:-  Your marriage is perfect. You need to avoid caring to such doubts.
Wassalam.
 
Question ID  5548  -  Marriage -  2021-09-24 19:00:02
follow up question ID 5547 furthermore I didn’t know there was concept of vakil i just knew that i had to have a maulana there and thats why i had him there. and when i talk about the permission for sighah i literally just thought he was asking me permission to talk to me or to start the process. Then afterwards when he asked for my consent to the marriage i got really confused when i was being asked for consent for the marriage like i did say yes but only once as i can see in the wedding video rather than the typical three times that you say it and i dont even know if i registered his words correctly like what he was asking me or that he was asking for my consent but i just said yes because i was told to say yes. is my marriage still perfectly okay? the maulana i think only asked me twice as well for the consent but i don’t remember properly I keep having doubts and being really anxious that i did not follow the marriage contract procedure properly
 
Answer:-  Wa Alaykum Assalam wr wb
The marriage is perfect. Please ignore these doubts.
Wassalam.
 
Question ID  5547  -  Marriage -  2021-09-23 18:00:02
I follow sayyid sistani. 1. When my nikkah was done almost a year ago I didn’t know about the sighah i just knew i had a vakil and i thought you both need a maulana to be there thats why i had a vakil. I didnt even know that a sighah was recited on the men’s side in front of my husband (I couldnt hear it cause it was far).I read about it on sistani.org and became instantly worried that my marriage was not in order so I checked the wedding video and the vakil is pronouncing the sighah but they didn’t say our names in the sighah, is my marriage in order? 2. When the vakil first came to me on the woman’s side he asked me permission to begin the sighah in urdu and i just said yes because i was nervous and didnt know that he was asking me permission to begin the sighah rather I thought it was just to ask permission to begin. Then when he asked if i consented to the marriage i didnt know if i should say anything and then he asked me again and thats when my mother said i should say yes so i said yes, is my marriage in order? also the vakil said the mehr wrong, will that affect anything? 3. when i was first engaged to my husband it was under a lot of pressure and then afterwards i was okay with marrying him but now i fear maybe it was out of fear of my parents or manipulation that i said yes at the time of nikkah, but i love my husband now so is my marriage in order even if the nikkah was conducted under pressure or manipulation?
 
Answer:-  Your marriage is perfect with out any doubt despite all which you mentioned
in your question.
Wassalam.
Muhammad Al-Musawi








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